What to look for in dementia care is not warmth — it is communication. Khatera Bahadory, Executive Director of Astoria Park Senior Living, says no paid caregiver matches a family’s love, and families who measure a community against that standard are measuring the wrong thing. Look instead for a team that tells you plainly what happened today.

In practice, ask how a community trains for behavior rather than tasks. Sundowning arrives at a different hour for every resident, so a team that can name your person’s hour knows your person. Ask how often you will hear from them, and whether residents nobody visits get the same care.

Aparna Pujar: Dementia can change memory, language, and daily routines, but it does not erase a person’s need to be known, respected, and connected. In this episode, we explore what compassionate dementia care looks like in the real moments of everyday life. This is AI-Powered Caregiving by Zemplee, the podcast exploring how technology is reshaping the way we care for older adults. I’m Aparna Pujar, the founder and CEO of Zemplee. And today we’re talking about dementia care.

My guest today is Khatera Bahadory, the Executive Director of Astoria Park Senior Living in Pasadena, California. She’s deeply committed to creating a supportive, meaningful environment for residents, their families, and team members. Khatera has a background in healthcare leadership, dementia care, and senior living operations, and she’s built her career around one important belief: caring for older adults is not simply a job. It’s a responsibility, a privilege, and a deep human connection.

Throughout her career, she has experienced the challenges and rewards of leading healthcare teams, supporting families, advocating for residents, and creating communities where people can truly feel at home. I’m really excited to bring Khatera to our podcast session today. Khatera, welcome to the show.

Khatera Bahadory: Thank you so much, Aparna. Thank you for having me and being part of this beautiful podcast that you have built. It brings in not just healthcare but other parts of the health system together. And it really means a lot to all of us. So thank you.

Aparna Pujar: Great. So why don’t we start with — why don’t you tell us about yourself? I know you have a fascinating journey, and your life has been filled with wonderful experiences. So why don’t we start there first?

Khatera Bahadory: Absolutely. So as you all know, my name is Khatera, and I’m an immigrant. I came into this country at the age of ten, and to be here was a dream. To come from a third world country and move into an advanced country, America, is a dream. And once you reach that dream, then as a child you don’t know what you’re feeling. The feeling was just like an awe moment for me, because the culture I was brought up in for ten years was completely opposite of what I came into.

I came from Afghanistan — for those who don’t know, originally born and raised in Kabul, Afghanistan, to be exact. And we moved here to America to find a better life. The number one goal for my parents was to make sure that their children were educated and well brought up. Both my parents are highly educated, so to them education meant a lot.

As a ten-year-old coming into America, the culture shock that I felt at that moment was just a feeling that I cannot explain. You have to experience it to know it. And to find my path, to find my way, to see where I wanted to see myself, was the journey of a little girl who dreamt of being somebody, who dreamt of being a leader. And slowly but surely, it took time, it took a lot of hardship, it took a lot of dedication. But I got through it, and America has provided us the opportunity, and I grabbed it with both arms and moved on.

Aparna Pujar: Wow, that is such a fascinating story. And as an immigrant myself, I can completely relate to it. I feel like there are a lot of incredible people who come from outside the United States and are contributing so much here in many different ways. For me, I’m part of the high tech world, so my experience has been very different. But for you to have come into this industry — the toughest possible industry — and to have established leadership in it, that is really commendable.

So is there any experience you can share about some of the challenges you came across, and what you learned from them? And what would your advice be for people like you who are out there trying to establish themselves in different industries, in different positions? What is one piece of advice you would have for them?

Khatera Bahadory: Thank you, Aparna, for that great question. I would say never give up. Life will throw challenges at us at any time, any moment. But continue having a vision in your mind, in your heart, and continue working towards it — one step at a time, one moment at a time.

There will be times where if you took one step forward, you will take three steps backward. And in my life, a very similar situation happened. I got married at a very young age, at nineteen, and my entire family thought, you know, this is it. She just got her college and that’s going to be it. She’s going to give up on her dreams and just start raising a family.

And yes, I did pause for a minute. I did have my daughter at the age of twenty. And I didn’t give up. I continued my schooling. I continued my education. I continued my struggles. Even when people doubted my capabilities, even when people came in front of me and actually said, “I don’t think you will make it” — that didn’t break me at that moment. That gave me a boost. That gave me that extra energy to say, you know what, I’m going to make it. And I am going to do what I want to do, where I see myself.

And surely enough, I did step into this world for a reason, and I want to make that reason come true. I did it not just for myself but for my daughter, so that in future, if I am pushing her into her possibilities, she won’t turn around and say, “Mommy, what did you do? You gave up, so I might as well do what I want to do.” That was one reason. Challenges will always come. My advice will be: take one step, one day at a time, and move forward. Don’t look back.

Aparna Pujar: That is amazing. I think we will highlight that phrase — don’t look back. Now, moving on to your career. You began your career in hands-on nursing and now you lead a senior living community, and you’ve had a successful track of leading some of the most prestigious senior living communities down there in Southern California. So what first drew you to elder care or senior care? And you focus on dementia care — what made dementia care a meaningful focus for you?

Khatera Bahadory: Well, let me begin with what brought me into the healthcare industry. Growing up, I was the caretaker for my grandma. And I knew that this was meant to be for me. I knew I wanted to be in healthcare, but where and how, I didn’t know. So I began my journey as a nursing student and became a part-time caregiver while going to nursing school. So I knew this was the right path for me.

And then once I became a nurse and I was exposed to the world of senior care, I had the right mentors in the right places. They guided me and they showed me the paths that I didn’t know. I didn’t know it existed. I didn’t know it was there. And it came to me — what are they doing that I cannot do? What degrees or what licenses do they have that I cannot have? So the journey began.

And then when it comes to dementia: my father-in-law, may God rest him in peace, was diagnosed with dementia recently, and he passed away. Taking care of him — it was so close to home that that journey just stayed with me. Making sure that his care was provided, and seeing him, knowing that there are millions of people just like him who don’t have that proper care that I could provide for them in some way. I may not be a hundred percent for every single one, but if I can be just that one percent in this industry, I will be that one percent in this industry.

Aparna Pujar: What a fascinating story. It’s amazing to see people who, out of their lived experience, become medical professionals and caregivers, and really take that from being a caregiver into a career track. So I’m super excited about your journey, and congratulations on that.

So where you sit today, in your role as executive director of a facility, you’re also supporting the caregiving team. How do you help your staff with understanding what a resident needs — cultural challenges they may have to go through, routines, communication style? And how are you doing that differently in your facilities?

Khatera Bahadory: Because of my background, because of how hands-on I was, and because I was once in their position, I can understand the challenges they face. Some residents may not want them. Some residents may request somebody else. Some residents have a different perspective in life that doesn’t align with ours. Those are the challenges caregivers face on a day-to-day basis, which can prevent them from providing that hundred percent care.

So I use those challenges as a form of training for my team. Because I’ve been in their position, I can see both sides. When my father-in-law was ill, I was on the opposite side of it, where I was the family member of the resident. So when that happened, I saw both sides. The challenges for us as a family member were different. I could tell you that I was frustrated with the team when they were not doing the right communication with us. The form of communication wasn’t there. The caregivers weren’t taking care of my father-in-law the way I wanted.

But then I also had to sit back and look at it and ask, is this the right way? Because nobody’s going to give a hundred percent the way we would as a family member. So that expectation right there is what stops families — to think about what we are expecting.

Secondly, on the caregiver side, we may not give them the love of a family, but what we can do is communicate. Hey, this is what’s happening with Dad. Giving them that clear, transparent communication is the key for families to understand the struggles we are feeling as a caregiver.

So that training is always going to be there with my team. I am hands-on training with them. I train them on how to do little tasks, how to manage aggressive behavior, especially if we’re talking about dementia. We all know sundowning is a number one criteria for dementia, and each person has their sundowning time differently. Some experience it around one, two o’clock. Some experience it in the evening, some experience it at night. But how to manage those, how to properly care for those — those are the trainings that I provide on a day-to-day basis with my team. We have weekly meetings with them, we have monthly meetings with them, individual meetings.

And then having the right leadership in your team is also a key component. Making sure your leaders know what they’re talking about, that they are well versed when it comes to dementia, when it comes to resident care, when it comes to properly caring for those who are leaving their loved ones with us. That’s also a key component on my end. That’s how I take care of things.

Aparna Pujar: Wow, that is such a profound statement — the fact that you have had experience from both sides, as a family caregiver, and that you’re bringing all that experience into training your staff, which I think is very important. And you’re so right about communication with family members. There’s no perfect way of doing it.

In some ways there’s a group of families who would want to know more. They want to know everything, every day, every minute of what is going on. And there may be another set of families who are like, just let me know if something goes wrong. In my conversations with you, I know you have expressed that. So what is your view on this, and what should families be doing in terms of sharing care responsibilities with your care team for the older adult they’re caring for? What’s the right balance there? Because I can understand that some families are very busy, or they’re not in town and they can’t really do much. But what have you experienced?

Khatera Bahadory: Definitely, yes. There are some families that are completely out of reach and they just pay the bills and leave their loved ones until it’s time for them to pass away. And then there are those who are in the community twenty-four seven, seven days a week. So yes, we do have those types of families.

How I deal with them is equal. Making sure my team and I are transparent with them, making sure they understand the situation their loved one is in, making sure we are on top of their care. Regardless of whether or not the family is involved, my team and I will provide direct care according to what is proper for that resident. Regardless of whether their family member is there or not, it doesn’t matter to us. What we know is how we take care of our resident.

Right now, a lot of our seniors are going through it — whether it’s their medical bills, whether it’s their finances, whether it’s meeting with their doctors. Making that a better place for them, that’s one thing I would say. Because I can tell you, as an advocate of senior living, I see a lot of the elderly population struggle with their Medi-Cal and Medicare. It’s one thing to be part of it; it’s another thing to enroll in it. And that process is really what breaks my heart — how a lot of our senior citizens don’t get the proper help they need due to their Medi-Cal and Medicare problems. So that’s one thing I really want them to make sure they handle properly.

Thank you for having me on your show, and I am looking forward to working with you and reaching the points where people could just imagine.

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